Full Careers

Do you think a woman should change her name after marriage?

I am currently in the process of planning my wedding and then, bam!, the question arose, "Should I keep my name?" My last name is very unique and many people in my community refer to me by that name. Eventually, I want to go into politics and I am not sure if it would be a plus to keep it or not. I have always been a progressive thinker and ever since I was little I have vowed to keep my surname. But there are external factors, other than my personal needs, that come into play when deciphering whether or not I should change my name. First, I was raised in the South by traditional parents and so was my Fiancé. Secondly, there is a long-standing tradition in this country that negates my wants. In addition, my fiancé’s feelings are on the line. Questions: What would you do? How will he feel? How do I approach the topic? How will this affect my political career? Please include a brief background and where you are from.

Public Comments

1. it's up to the woman.
2. No, its "suposed" to be disresectfull.
3. I just recently had to go through this, I got married in May 2005 and to tell you the truth I felt like I was betraying my family and my background by changing my name. I thought about this matter for a long time and decided to go through with my name change because I loved this man and that was my way of showing him that I wanted to be his forever. I also thought about the future and when we have children, I don't want to have my children asking me why my last name is different from theirs. I am from Chicago, IL and I come from a Hispanic background and my family is very traditional, I have heard very unique names and honestly your name is not going to make your political career good or bad. You are the only one that can make your career not your name. If you are eventually going to go into politics that is even better for you because you are still not in politics under you current last name, start your political career with a new last name, and good luck!
4. you sound very independant. makes me wonder why you want to get married, as for name, keep your last, your marriage will not last anyways with all your polital aspirations, so what does it matter. look at Hillary Rottweiler Clinton, she may keep Bill's last, but that's all she keeps, no wonder why Bill cheated, but despite all that she still in office and he is not.
5. You do know you can add his last name to yours right? For example your last name is Smith and his is Johns. You can have Smith-Johns or Johns-Smith. You don't have to sign your name with both names, you can choose one. It's true some see it as being disrespectful, others don't. Talk to your man. Explain your dreams and how your last name is important to you. If he wants you to take his name you can add on. It's your choice. Good luck with your coming marriage.
6. I got married and never thought twice about keeping mine, instead i just added his last name to mine. A last name wont change your career, your love for your husband and a good explanation to your kids will do.
7. Use a hyphen for both last names. Explain that this way you are keeping your family and his family in your heart. If he loves you he will understand. I have a lot of respect for women, especially those in politics, who use a hyphen.
8. This is a wonderful question, joanna07262003. You hit on what so many women have gone through or what may lie in their future, and articulated it very well. The first impression that I received from your post is that obviously, you truly would like to keep your surname. You cited quite valid reasons for doing so, particularly regarding your political aspirations. True, several married career women with public personas do tend to keep their maiden names, but in the end, your name is not something that will make or break your political career; YOU and you alone will do that. This is a more personal than professional issue, which makes it all the more difficult to answer. While this is a very gray issue, as most complex situations are, there really are only two sides to this: what you want and what everyone else wants. What ‘everyone else’ wants really doesn’t matter (for the notable exception of your fiancée, which I’ll hit on later). I too was raised in the ‘country’ of the southeast and am currently going to college in North Carolina, and while I am years away from even seriously thinking about marriage, I can certainly see where you are coming from. I would imagine it would be quite difficult to do something you truly wish to do while simultaneously going against your parents and your surroundings. But at the end of the day, you are not marrying any of these people; this is a decision regarding YOU. With that said, you are obviously going to have to consult your fiancée regarding this. While this decision directly affects you, it will most definitely indirectly affect him every day. I would first suggest simply hinting at this topic, to gauge an initial reaction from him. Of course, this reaction honestly should not have everything to do with your final decision, but it will give you a better insight into which pathway to choose to discuss this issue with him. Make sure to communicate with your fiancée your true intentions regarding keeping your surname as is. I would include everything you listed in your question, including your vow to yourself to keep the name, as well as your thoughts regarding your professional life. You said you were a progressive thinker, and by now, I am sure your fiancée realizes that as well; hopefully, this will not be a large shock to him. But by communicating these reasons, ensure your fiancée this honestly has NOTHING to do with being embarrassed or shameful of his name. I’m sure you are quite happy in your relationship and proud of your fiancée, or you would not be marrying him. Articulate this to him. Make him realize that you love, respect, and admire him AND his name, but due to your personal feelings, you can still do this while keeping your name. However, there are more options than simply not taking his name. As others have mentioned, you can always hyphenate your name, as well as legally taking his last name, but professionally keeping your own. Another replier was right: you do sound quite independent, and this is great to hear. A woman can keep her maiden name while getting married, no matter where she is or how she was raised, and don’t let anyone tell you differently. As long as you know what YOU want, and how to communicate that with your fiancée while considering his feelings, I truly think that things will work out as you have hoped. Good luck with your impending marriage, and thank you for asking such a thought-provoking and intelligent question.