Full Careers - Will someone Proofread this for me?

Will someone Proofread this for me?

The study of the mind, psychiatry, has in the last few years struck an interest within me. I wonder why we react differently when we face the same obstacles. For example, families with several children, raised by the same parents and in the same environment, yet turn out to be completely different individuals, sometimes very disturbed. The how, why and where of it all interests me. My immediate goal is to get my diploma and find out who I really am and what my soul desire truly is. I realize I have a deep desire to be of service to others. This is not a skill however, it’s just me. I do feel one of my strongest skills is my artistic ability. I have a taste for and enjoy a diverse selection of movies, music, and reading material. I enjoy studying photography, biology, along with human behavior. Psychiatrists treat patients who have mental illnesses and help diagnose them. They strive to find solutions for their patient's mental disorders. It can and usually does, involve counseling for the patient and sometimes their family as well. Medication can be prescribed to help with chemical imbalances; some of these are caused by their emotional problems. Sometimes even shock therapy is given. It can be a take home job much of the time. Psychiatrists do a lot of side work and research to expand their knowledge. Most keep updated on the latest data and new medications available. Sometimes psychiatrists deal with life or death situations and they need to know exactly how to react. This occupation requires an extensive amount of thinking and the ability to figure out problems. It is important to be able to focus, listen and process information. They have to be able to give positive feedback and come to a decision on how to treat each patient and disease. They especially need to have the ability to feel when something is wrong or likely to go wrong, this is imperative. To be empathetic yet not allowing emotions to overwhelm decision making is necessary. They will be treating people with mild cases of anxiety as well as those who have severe mental disorders this could require years of treatment and special training to help them cope. They are also physicians who also are trained to prescribe drugs and use shock therapy plus psychotherapy. To become a psychiatrist, first requires a four year college education with a B.S.degree and to complete the pre-medical curriculum. Many students will major in a science subject such as chemistry, but that is not a requirement. Some pre-psych undergraduates will major in psychology, for example. After completing the pre-medical program and graduating from college, the student will attend a four year medical program and earn an MD degree. The student will have to pass the first two stages of the medical license exam also. This qualifies the graduate for a preliminary medical license in every state. The student will then have to apply for a medical residency in psychiatry. This is a three year program. The student will work long hours and see a vast number of patients and become familiar with all of the diagnostic categories and current treatment methods, the residencies pay a small salary, just enough to live on. After completing the residency (actually, after completing a year or two of it, depending on the state), then passing the next stage of the license exam, the doctor is now ready to obtain a medical license. Many psychiatrists will then stay on for three more years of post-residency training called a fellowship, and be admitted as 'board-certified' psychiatrists. This demonstrates the highest level of training but is not necessary to practice. This outlook is very good for employment in this field. It varies by educational background and experience. It is a career expected to grow faster than the average for this occupation through 2014. There is a wide range of employment opportunities. There is a vast shortage in rural areas. Opportunities vary from institutional settings to teaching or writing books Because of a growing population needing their services and the expansion in the health-care industry this field is wide open for advancement. Also higher incomes, increasing life spans, and educational levels are spurring the demand. . This is an occupation that is satisfying because it allows the employee to use his strongest assets and abilities. It can give them a feeling of accomplishment. They can plan or pick their own hours to a large extent, especially if they own their own practice. The average pay first year is fairly good, approximately $180,000. This depends also however, on their skills and their ability to relate to their patients in a caring, compassionate manner... Having a sensitive, caring nature could make this an even more beneficial and rewarding career. Psychiatrists lead a respected profession. It is not a 9-5 job, with weekends free. The decisions involving the mental care of their patients are a big responsibility and could be very costly and devastating if the wrong decision is made. There is also a great risk involved when giving out drugs. There is always that possibility of the wrong medication given which could bring adverse effects, sometimes even death. The world today is sue happy, so if something goes wrong they are usually blamed. This career involves many years of education, which could be very costly. I am very interested in mental health and the care and well being of .individuals that need this assistance. I see a great need for those who are capable of helping troubled souls... Many of our disturbed youth are especially in need of some sort of mental assistance. I believe this field is wide open with possibilities. I know there is a growing need to have more compassionate, skilled, well trained, highly educated, individuals, in this field However, I now realize also, after my research, which becoming a psychiatrist is a very difficult career choice. Although, I still wish to have some sort of career in the mental health field, it may be this career choice is a bit much for me, I wonder… It is very important that every comma is placed correctly. I'm a sophmore in college prep English... I will admit English is definetley one of my weaknesses. I had to make a career research report Paragraph one: Why are you interested in this career? What are your goals, skills, and interests? Para 2 Explain the chacteristics of your career and responsibilities Para 3 What skills are necessary for this career? Para 4 What education and training do you need? Para 5 Explain the outlook for employment and salary Para 6 Advantages Para 7 Disadvantages Para 8 conclucsion breif summary. I'm currently making a C in there. This is worth 200 points. I get 10 points taken off for every comma misplacement....can someone help me? Cause I know there are many errors. Thanks so much.

Public Comments

Oh No Tooo Long thanx for the 2 points though
sorry i would but it's way too long. :( NEXT! :)
uhh its fine...
wow this is really long,i will read it later and answer you..
dude u spelled proof read wrong its two words so no!
send this to me in an email cause i got a program that proof reads.
The study of the mind, psychiatry, has in the last few years struck an interest within me. I wonder why we react differently when we face the same obstacles. For example, families with several children, raised by the same parents and in the same environment, yet turn out to be completely different individuals, sometimes very disturbed. The how, why and where of it all interests me. My immediate goal is to get my diploma and find out who I really am and what my soul desire truly is. I realize I have a deep desire to be of service to others. This is not a skill however, it’s just me. I do feel one of my strongest skills is my artistic ability. I have a taste for and enjoy a diverse selection of movies, music, and reading material. I enjoy studying photography, biology, along with human behavior. Psychiatrists treat patients who have mental illnesses and help diagnose them. They strive to find solutions for their patient's mental disorders. It can and usually does, involve counseling for the patient and sometimes their family as well. Medication can be prescribed to help with chemical imbalances; some of these are caused by their emotional problems. Sometimes even shock therapy is given. It can be a take home job much of the time. Psychiatrists do a lot of side work and research to expand their knowledge. Most keep updated on the latest data and new medications available. Sometimes psychiatrists deal with life or death situations and they need to know exactly how to react. This occupation requires an extensive amount of thinking and the ability to figure out problems. It is important to be able to focus, listen and process information. They have to be able to give positive feedback and come to a decision on how to treat each patient and disease. They especially need to have the ability to feel when something is wrong or likely to go wrong, this is imperative. To be empathetic yet not allowing emotions to overwhelm decision making is necessary. They will be treating people with mild cases of anxiety as well as those who have severe mental disorders this could require years of treatment and special training to help them cope. They are also physicians who also are trained to prescribe drugs and use shock therapy plus psychotherapy. To become a psychiatrist, first requires a four year college education with a B.S.degree and to complete the pre-medical curriculum. Many students will major in a science subject such as chemistry, but that is not a requirement. Some pre-psych undergraduates will major in psychology, for example. After completing the pre-medical program and graduating from college, the student will attend a four year medical program and earn an MD degree. The student will have to pass the first two stages of the medical license exam also. This qualifies the graduate for a preliminary medical license in every state. The student will then have to apply for a medical residency in psychiatry. This is a three year program. The student will work long hours and see a vast number of patients and become familiar with all of the diagnostic categories and current treatment methods, the residencies pay a small salary, just enough to live on. After completing the residency (actually, after completing a year or two of it, depending on the state), then passing the next stage of the license exam, the doctor is now ready to obtain a medical license. Many psychiatrists will then stay on for three more years of post-residency training called a fellowship, and be admitted as 'board-certified' psychiatrists. This demonstrates the highest level of training but is not necessary to practice. This outlook is very good for employment in this field. It varies by educational background and experience. It is a career expected to grow faster than the average for this occupation through 2014. There is a wide range of employment opportunities. There is a vast shortage in rural areas. Opportunities vary from institutional settings to teaching or writing books Because of a growing population needing their services and the expansion in the health-care industry this field is wide open for advancement. Also higher incomes, increasing life spans, and educational levels are spurring the demand. . This is an occupation that is satisfying because it allows the employee to use his strongest assets and abilities. It can give them a feeling of accomplishment. They can plan or pick their own hours to a large extent, especially if they own their own practice. The average pay first year is fairly good, approximately $180,000. This depends also however, on their skills and their ability to relate to their patients in a caring, compassionate manner... Having a sensitive, caring nature could make this an even more beneficial and rewarding career. Psychiatrists lead a respected profession. It is not a 9-5 job, with weekends free. The decisions involving the mental care of their patients are a big responsibility and could be very costly and devastating if the wrong decision is made. There is also a great risk involved when giving out drugs. There is always that possibility of the wrong medication given which could bring adverse effects, sometimes even death. The world today is sue happy, so if something goes wrong they are usually blamed. This career involves many years of education, which could be very costly. I am very interested in mental health and the care and well being of .individuals that need this assistance. I see a great need for those who are capable of helping troubled souls... Many of our disturbed youth are especially in need of some sort of mental assistance. I believe this field is wide open with possibilities. I know there is a growing need to have more compassionate, skilled, well trained, highly educated, individuals, in this field However, I now realize also, after my research, which becoming a psychiatrist is a very difficult career choice. Although, I still wish to have some sort of career in the mental health field, it may be this career choice is a bit much for me, I wonder… It looks good =) good job =D
Never use I or you in a essay.
You have a lot of run-on sentences...
For the first paragraph: This sentence is phrased awkwardly, "For example, families with several children, raised by the same parents and in the same environment, yet turn out to be completely different individuals, sometimes very disturbed." "My immediate goal is to get my diploma and find out who I really am and what my soul desire truly is" should be rewritten as "My immediate goal is to get my diploma and find out who I really am and what my soul truly desires." "This is not a skill however, it’s just me" would sound better as "This is not a skill however, it’s just who I am" The last two sentences in the first paragraph are not connected to the main idea of the first paragraph.
you need more sentence variety. and also the first sentence sounds like a 2 year old wrote it. you need to not use me so much.
Your literature was beautiful and the following are the corrections needed. 1.capitalize the word Psychiatrist regardless if not in beginning of sentence 2.capitalize the word Diploma regardless if not in beginning of sentence. 3.You need to Indent the first paragraph. 4. Put 'sue happy' in the last paragraph since it is a slang term 5. Create a break( <br> )between paragraphs
The introductory paragraph gives a definition of psychiatry which is more in line with psychology. P1: My immediate goal is to get my diploma and find out who I really am and what my soul desire truly is. Try "what my soul truly desires." P1: This is not a skill however, it’s just me. I do feel one of my strongest skills is my artistic ability. I have a taste for and enjoy a diverse selection of movies, music, and reading material. I enjoy studying photography, biology, along with human behavior. I would cut out a lot of this to help keep it on subject. You shift from an exploration of your interest in psychology to a description of your skills and interests, then abruptly go back to talking about psychiatry. Instead, I would talk about how your desire to help others contributes towards your interest in psychiatry (or psychology) specifically, and lose most of the rest. That would make for a much smoother transition to the next paragraph. P2:They strive to find solutions for their patient's mental disorders. I think you should go with the plural of "patient" here, so it would be "patients'" (with the apostrophe after the s). P2: It can and usually does, involve counseling for the patient and sometimes their family as well. A couple issues here. First is the comma, which (in my opinion) is a bit of a judgment call (it's kind of lousy that your teacher is grading harshly where commas are concerned, unless she is just marking off for really egregious errors like comma splices). You basically put commas where ever there should be a pause, but a period or other "stronger" form of punctuation would be inappropriate. In this sentence, I feel a pause after the word "can," and not so much after the word "does." Also, you have a pronoun problem here. You use the singular "patient" but the plural pronoun "their." You need to either go with the plural form, or replace "their" with a pronoun like "his" or "her." If you choose "his" or "her" (I would advise against using both, unless your teacher is a die-hard feminist) then you have another problem; it is unclear whether you are referring to the patient's family the psychiatrist's family. Of course, it is obvious from the context, but it is still bad grammatical form. At this point you'd want to consider restructuring the sentence, or just going with the plural form of "patients" (which would be consistent with the change I recommended for the last sentence) because if you are referring to only one psychiatrist and more than one family, it should be more grammatically clear that you're talking about the patients. P2: Medication can be prescribed to help with chemical imbalances; some of these are caused by their emotional problems. Consider rephrasing this sentence. You don't have an appropriate subject which the word "their" refers to nearby. You might start off the sentence with something like "Patients who suffer ..." P2: Sometimes even shock therapy is given. It can be a take home job much of the time. It sounds like you're saying that giving shock therapy can be a "take home job," since you're not utilizing and transitions and you haven't made it clear that you've changed the subject. You can probably just omit the second sentence. P2: Sometimes psychiatrists deal with life or death situations and they need to know exactly how to react. Minor suggestion: replace "and" with "so." If you do that, I'd probably put a comma after "situations." P3: They have to be able to give positive feedback and come to a decision on how to treat each patient and disease. Replace "they" with "psychiatrists." It has been a while since you've used a noun appropriate for this pronoun. P3: They especially need to have the ability to feel when something is wrong or likely to go wrong, this is imperative. I believe this is a comma splice, so you'll want to address it to be on the safe side. Put "this is imperative" (or something similar) in its own sentence, or restructure the sentence. I'm taking a breather for now, I may come back to help you a bit more later.