Full Careers
Please help me edit the sentence and wording, Thank you!!?
Three years life in XX1 University, the birthplace of optical engineering in China, guided me to establish my career goal of being a professor. Rigorous training in mathematics and computer science offered by XX2 backs me up to work for it. To be a Ph.D. student will help me reach the tip of the developing optical technology and accelerate the realization of my dream. I am determined to pursue my further studies in the field of optics and photonics, as the first step towards my future academic life. This decision results from my experiences as an undergraduate at XX1 University Who can tell me how can I response to your answers and say thank you to you? I am a new comer, thanks
Public Comments
- First sentence, replace "life" with "of study". Second sentence, replace "backs me up" with "has encouraged me". Rest is okay.
- Along with the suggestions of rhsaund ... I would remove the word "further" from the sentence -" I am determined to pursue my .... it's not really a necessary word and sounds a little awkward. good luck ... and by the way it's not a sentence it's a paragraph.
- "offered by XX2 has also re-inforced my resolve." "...will help me reach the tip/apex ...technology thus accelerating the realisation..." "to pursue further studies in the..." "This decision has directly resulted from my experience as an.." Sounds OK..Good luck,man.
- What you have has all the essentials. The suggestions by all are excellent. Here is another for you to look at. Three years life in XX1 University, the birthplace of optical engineering in China, helped me choose my goal of becoming a professor in optics. Rigorous training in mathematics and computer science given by XX2 gave me a hand up the initial steps to reach this goal. Doing a Ph.D. on a topic in the cutting edge of this fast developing technology will accelerate me to the final sprint on the academic track. I am determined to work in the field of optics and photonics, which will be my field of future specialization. It is interesting that all this started with my training as an undergrad at XX1 University.
