Full Careers
Marriage/Family vs. Career/Education....Or Both?
Ok, I'm 23 years old and I'll be graduating college in May. I'll be 24. I'm graduating at an older age for a number of different reasons, including working full-time, dealing with cancer in my family and changing my major 2 times. Amway, I have a boyfriend of 3 years. We would love to get married. However, we both agree that marriage should only happen when 2 people are in stable careers and are ready to contribute to a household equally. I want to go to grad school. The program I'm looking into is about 1.5-2 years long and includes an extensive internship program. I would not be able to work in my given career for at least another 2 years. I'll be 26 by than. I want to have children once I get married too. I would really like to have my first child by 26/27. However, if I don't graduate until I'm 26, this will not work. If I do decide to get a master's degree, I would like to work in my career for at least 2 years. I want to gain experience And become established in my field. I feel like I will end up compromising one of my dreams. I feel like there is just not enough time to accomplish everything I want to do. I should also add that my boyfriend will be 30 this year. If we do wait until I’m 28 to have children, he will be 35. I would really like us to have children as young as possible. I want him to experience being a “younger” father. I don’t want him having a 15 year old at 50 or a 20 year old at 55. We also want to have about 3 children. So, most likely he will be closer to 40 when the young ones are born. What do I do? I feel like I have to pick one path, but I don’t want to settle. My boyfriend is not pressuring me in anyway. However, I feel like I want to us to advance to the next step in our lives. What do people think? Anyone have a similar experience? What did you decide? How do you decide?
Public Comments
- There is time for both of your dreams...you may have to extend your age limitations on them though. It is also possible to do them at the same time...lots of people do it. But just because lots of people do it doesn't mean you should...go with what you both feel is right for you. Believe me you will make it work...if this is something you really want...then you will make the time for them to happen. And you should also realize things change...you may find in 1 yr that you really want to start a family now...or you don't want a particular job and need another certification or what have you. Give yourself room to be flexible!
- I think that if you have a wonderful man, you can have your cake and eat it too! You will of course have to wait on having children if you want to have your career. But you could get married and be careful not to get pragnet! Having children in your 30's isnt a bad thing! It may be a little more challenging the older you get, but not impossible! I'm almost 50 and raising a 2 yr old. Of course I would EVER suggest waiting that long! HEE HEE The type of demands you are describing that your schooling and internship could be very difficult on your relationship. But as long as you talk about this ahead of time with your honey, you should be able to make the compromises together as you build a stable future for your desired family! Your dreams of having a family at a young age are commendable, and if you had started/finished schooling earlier, it might have happened. But we can always find excuses to not have children. Money, jobs, school etc. I think it is wise to put off children till you finish school and internship, but what happens when you land the perfect job? Will you have time to raise kids or will they be in day care all the time? You may have to give up somethiong to have children and a career and time with your honey. But that is what having kids is all about! And by the way, if you do have kids, after the first one or two, you may decide NOT to have 3! Best Wishes!
- My mother worked full time and had children while attending graduate school. It can be done and children don't suffer without having mom around 24/7. Children need to learn independence. I guess it really depends on what kind of support system you have for the first few years. Do you have family members who are willing to take care of the child when you have to work or study? You should!
- I have both but it took longer. I had my children and stayed at home and studied externally. Good luck..
