Full Careers - Is my marriage worth saving?

Is my marriage worth saving?

I am married for 9 years. My husband has been good taking care of my needs all this while. Little did I expect he is having affair with a colleaque for 6 months. He lied that he needs to work but was with her on weekends. However, he will spend Sunday with me. He even spent his birthday with her in a hotel. They went for a holiday at a beach resort. I have evidence and after he came back, I exposed his affair and he was guilty for what he did. His can’t give reason for doing it, told me they are able to communicate and they just started (I have to admit that we have some communication issue). He promised he will end the relationship (which he did recently). He said this was his big mistake and promised never do it. He wanted to start afresh with me. He consoled me to make plan to move on and forget the past. He went to find out counseling services which he will attend with me to help me to get thru the trauma. I am in my 30s, quite attractive and have good career. No children.

Public Comments

you should sleep with me that will do it
you have to look in the mirror and ask yourself the same question your asking us, you will know what to do when the time comes
Give your marriage another chance.
It is possible to move on... however I suspect that if you are asking this question you have already decided and just don't want to admit it to yourself because at this time breaking it off would cause serious trauma on top of the trauma already suffered. It always causes trauma to end a marriage or begin again. I recently did it myself and I am very good friends with him however we both realized that too much damage had been done and it was now or later. Better now before we had children. You can try to work on it however it will always be in the back of your mind and it will take years of work to regain that trust. Make sure he is prepared for it too. I was told by a psychologist once that you should never listen to the advice to just move on because and affair is something impossible to move on from, you have to move through it and you will never get over it just move past it. The moment you move on and forget it happened is when you make the same mistakes again. It is possible but will take a lot of work on both your parts. You must decide how much work is this marriage worth and that will be your answer.
Well he has taken to first few steps which is great :) it's good to see that he is going to get some counseling about this and go with you that is a great start to getting back on track. Give him another chance :) he is doing a good thing right now getting some counseling which most guys refuse to even try. Good luck for the both of you God Bless you both so much and i hope that you both can sort things out in a good way.
Only you can answer that question....If you truly love him and you are willing to go to counselling....but it is not counselling for your trauma that you need .... it is for your relationship.
Ask yourself. I can't tell you.
Sorry to hear that.. What a low blow. I don't buy this whole "it was a mistake" thing - it might be a good excuse for a drunken one-night stand, but not for a deliberate continuous affair that only ends after having been exposed. (In other words, I don't really believe that in such situation one regrets having an affair as much as they regret being caught. If you only realize it was a "mistake" after having been humiliated by exposure, it's not worth much, in my book.) That said, you are a in a much better position to judge where your relationship might head off after this. I would say - try the counseling with an open mind; perhaps it will help you to understand each other better, and to forge a new bond. You can always give up on it later if you feel it's just not going anywhere.
i think it's worth giving it a shot. after all, you chose to spend the rest of your life with this man. what he did was wrong but it seems that he's really sorry and is making a lot of effort to save your marriage. good luck!
sorry that he mistreated you like this. but you know what you should do. there is no reason why a man should ever cheat on a woman! if he felt that y'all had a issue with communication then he should have spoken to you. but that's not why he cheated--don't let him try to blame you for this. he does not respect you. sorry if i came on strong but you deserve so much more.
If you feel he is truly sincere when he says he was sorry, then yes, your marriage is worth trying to save. The hardest thing for you will be to forgive him and trust him again. It will take alot of patience on his part to prove he is worthy of your trust again. It will take a huge amount of forgiveness for you to be able to move past this. If you can just remember that we are all humans that make mistakes and try finding ways to communicate your feelings daily with each other, you can begin the healing process.
If you can forgive him totally...then the marriage can work. You have to trust him, to not trust him is like second guessing yourself. If you can't be strong enough to trust him, then move on. Personally, I think a marriage of 9 years if definately worth saving. You have gone through too much and come too far to let some homewrecker destroy it. Stand your ground and tell him never again because there are no second chances. And give it another shot. No man is perfect, but if he loves you enough to call it quits with her, than I would say he loves you enough to want to make the marriage work. Don't throw in the towel just yet. Good Luck!
Personally, you have an answer in your mind already. What you worry is that your decision is a wrong one. However, i feel that "two wrongs don't make one right". It doesn't mean that if you stay with after the incident will made you feel that it is a right decision.If he can do it once, I think he will do it the second time and again. You have to be firm and brave when you face this type of problem. Just carry on with your life and I believe you can do better without him. Utlimately the final decision lies with you. We only let you know how we see the matter as a outsider
Maybe I'm wayyyy too young to answer this question. But this is what I think : It will never be the same again. Especially at the starting point. He cheated on you once. The next time he says "I need to work", you'll start to wonder whether he is having an affair again, causing so much pain in you. Well, it's true that you can't weigh love. But the thing is, are you willing to go through days of doubt and fears ( that your husband is cheating on you again)? If you think you can handle it, then maybe you can hold on to your marriage, let time heals them all. If you think that you might not be able to take it, maybe you should give it up. But still, you have to think through it carefully. Marriage isn't a child's play. Just a suggestion, like I've said. I'm wayyy too young. Wish you all the best for whatever decision you'll make =) Is it alright if you inform me once you've made a decision? thanks =))
Don't believe for 1 second that this affair is over....if he's been carrying on with this person for as long as you say----he's only telling you now what you want to hear. You can both go to counseling ----but the suspicions of when he's late from work or has to go out of town or work a supposed SATURDAY will always be on your mind. You can forgive but trust me you never forget the feelings of being betrayed and decieved. Personally----I would move out of the marital bed---into another bedroom---and make him earn his trust back! He's been getting his dessert elsewhere all this time so make him earn your trust back before you sleep with him----and if you do this think about it.....you'll be thinking about him sharing himself with the co-worker!
" I am in my 30s, quite attractive and have good career. No children" You sound like a ......
Was my life worth saving???
I think you have to see if you'll still trust him after all this. You have very right to question him, and you certainly have every right to ask for whatever will give you the piece of mind. If you think he's truly sorry, and is sincere about his love for you, give it a chance. However, if deep in your heart you know it's over, then it's probably done. By the way, you move on when you feel like it. And no, you can't forget the past for his benefit. Do what you feel is right for you.
I would have dump him...
can you for give and forget ? and is he sorry for what he did or that he got caught ?( p. s )don't shift the blame on your self!
yes your marriage is worth saving. If he is truly repentant and sorrowful then it can be saved. It will take some time for him to get your trust back, and he should realize this. You can forgive, though its hard to forget. Forgiving him is not saying that it didn't happen nor that it didn't hurt, but that you are willing to move on and forgive him. Love is a strong bond that can stand the mis doings of others if you are willing.
Ask yourself this question if I do forgive him - Can I trust him again for not repeating the pattern ?? - Can I be normal again & not some wired suspicious wife ?? In my experience I did forgave my long term boyfriend only to find out that he hasn't mend his ways .Ended up wasting 2 more years . Remember some people seldom change their ways . This article might be of some help..
Dump him and don't fall for it "was a mistake" he knew exactly what he was doing. He was sorry only after he got caught.
why do you have issues do you know that marriages end because of money and lack of communication you don't have money problems no kids so how can you not get alone? if you can't communicate you are doomed in any relationship your good looks are not enough which is obvious since he had to cheat on you. So you need to get counseling for your reason's that you can't keep a relationship forget about sobbing over the past and so call being dramatized what about the issue that created the problem in the first place.
Only you can answer this one. Because no one knows what they would do when it actually happens to them. It is so easy for people to say leave him, once a cheat always a cheat etc., You will feel sick with jealousy, curiosity, hurt, betrayel and will suffer with low self esteem. Look at your marriage and ask yourself what you had then and what you have now. Have the lines of communication got better now? Were there any other difficulties in your marriage. Did you take each other for granted? There are so many reasons a partner may go off the rails. I do know though, that I just could not accept my husband still working at the same place as someone that nearly took him away from me. I have given my husband a second chance. His was texts to someone I know. And I found out about it and he revealed all. I felt sick - still do. But we had so many problems in our marriage that we worked on them and now we have found each other all over again. He is desperate for me to forgive him, it is hard, but there are only so many times someone can say sorry.... I hope you can work through this and never stop the lines of communication. Good Luck!!!
I am in my 30s, quite attractive and have a good career, and no children. Let's get together some time... kidding!! Seriously though, because he has agreed to and is recieving counceling for this, that's a good sign. It sounds like he is truly sorry for what he's done. Make it known though, that there are no three strikes in this game. If he screws up again (no pun intended) hasta la pasta!!!!
It is possible to recover from this if you want to. If you still love him and you still want a life with him, it's good to note the effort he's making with seeking couselling and so forth. Of course being independent and with no children too many of your friends will say "Drop the bastard." Don't listen to them. No matter what happened, you have to follow your heart, not their heads and you NEVER know if they are coming from a place of caring for you or general judgement. A huge issue is to realise (as you acknowledged) that the affair happened not just because he's "loose" but because there was a very strong need for communication which the two of you did not "click" on. I'd say try. It's hard to quit on dreams you built together just to say "YOU F****'d up - sorry for you!!".. If you love him, try. If you don't - then this is the universe's way of giving you a way out... only you will know.
Personally, if it was me, I would end the marriage. Cheating is unforgivable in my opinion. and you guys dont have any children so there is nothing tying you to him. If you still love him and can truly forgive him them by all means stick it out, go to counseling and make it work.
I am baffled by this question based on your name here. If you have made up your mind just do it. Understand that you have not heard the real reason. It probably has more to do your being self absorbed, attractive, good carrier and did not talk to him much less show affection. Did that sum it up better. Don't get me wrong that is not an excuse or permission. I'll bet that that was what he was feeling. It does not much matter if it was right or not she apparently made him feel good for a while. When was the last time he felt that way at home? You are not to blame but you must look hard at the his reasoning. He has done the things which are required to get on with the marriage. Have you?
Just leave and get a divorce . Once a cheater always a cheater . You dont need someone like that in your life you have a good career then use it and find someone who will be faithfull . He has already proven he cannot be trusted . Do you want to always be worried that when he leaves the house that he is going to see someone else ? Then dont put yourself through this and get out of this it is not worth it . I know it is hard but I have been there and done this . It does not get better . Leave his lying behind . I will pray for you. good luck.
Sorry to hear this and since your hubby had claimed to have left the girl and is seeking out counselling session then probably he is really sorry. I say give him a 2nd chance.
forgive and forget .. since he has ended the other relationship, and come back to you. this shows that he still loves you, everyone make mistake, his is consider small than some other men does... some man betray their wife and still hope to hope both ... give him a second chance, give yourself a second chance ... if he is willing to change for better
you should be able to answer that question. from your view, he's sorry and regret it, give hiom a chance for its "human to err" whatever the degree is. give him a chance and never again! thats should make him on his toes. if you think you can never put this behind you, then be it as you've expressed that you're worth another chance yourself? only you can decide and just remember, why he erred? there should be a part of you as wife in a marriage to have made him done so or just a man being playful? ask and find out around . . . for husbands or wives to " err" is normal and of course nothing is "free" and there are prices or consequences to pay! thats life and marriage life too . . . full of troubles and never a moment of peace? "nothing in life is free?"
yes, it sounds like it would be worth trying. If you love him, that is. sometimes an affair can bring people closer together if it is dealt with in the right way. try to focus on him - find out why you are having communication issues, and what part you might have played in his straying. No, i'm not saying it was your fault. but we all have some sort of accountability in our lives. if you don't spend enough "alone" time - start. what is he interested in? try to become involved. sometimes a man needs his ego boosted, and if his wife isn't there for him, someone else will be