Full Careers

so what do you think of my college essay?

1. How have you taken advantage of the educational opportunities you have had to prepare for college? Over the course of my years in high school my main goal has been to excel in my academics, to get involved in activities that would aid me in understanding my classes, and to take advantage of the electives offered at my school to help my determine future career plans. To reach my full potential in my classes and tests, I took part in tutoring classes over the weekend to improve my math scores, which I must admit, is one of my weaker subjects. The extra tutelage, however, has helped me immensely in developing my skills in mathematics, which is now reflected in my test scores. This year, my government class gave me the opportunity to work at the polls in the gubernatorial elections. I gladly took the chance, and by the end of the day, left with a greater understanding of how our state government operates. The opportunity that I have gotten the most out of has been my choice of electives - namely psychology and anatomy. Through them, I have realized that my main interests lies in people and the sciences, subjects that I would definitely pursue in the future. here's the thing, i actually CAN write pretty well, but it doesn't show in my essay because i don't have very much to talk about regarding the question.. i'm stuck in a rut =\ any critiques/suggested revisions would be very helpful... thank you in advance!

Public Comments

1. That's really great but I would say that you did some Community Services too!
2. Overall it seems pretty good, but I would suggest reworking your intro sentences, they are a little plain and boring, sort of like following a template. Try and write something new so that yours does not sound like everyone else's essay.
3. I was really only looking for grammatical errors, which were delightfully few, I might add. There's a few spots where you should have commas and don't, though. You might take a look at that.
4. Overall it seems pretty good, but I would suggest reworking your intro sentences, they are a little plain and boring, sort of like following a template. Try and write something new so that yours does not sound like everyone else's essay.
5. how long does the essay have to be? i would rewrite the introduction definitely. i would probably focus more on electives or rewrite it in a way that emphasizes your electives im a little fuzzy on the tutoring thing - did you tutor students (and if so then, write your reasonings behind tackling a harder subject) or were you being tutored? (and if so, then add what youve got from it - other than it being reflected in your test scores) and also, talk more about psychology and anatomy. what exactly did you get out of it, why did you decide to pursue it in the future, any eye-opening experiences or something... are you excited to get more into it in college or - what. yea, these are just suggestions though, so its up to you to use them :]